Swallowing pride and bruised egos

Letting go. For the past few weeks, I have spent about a half hour a day evaluating how life is going on a walk that I take.

These walks have been paid. But I found out today the folks who paid me for doing the task no longer need me.

In a broader sense, I am recognizing I need to let go of some of the anger, frustration and then sadness that accompanies the pride I have for the things I do.

There have been some instances in the past few months where I am catching myself from engaging in an argument that factually backs it all because I have been overruled.

I live and work in a setting where there are precedents set, and there needs to be valid and rock solid rationale to turn back those precedents. No, I don’t work in a courtroom setting, but the standards and practices of any true journalism outlet need to adhere to the theory of precedents otherwise you confuse your audience with a hodgepodge of messages.

To be compliant, I am finding myself bucking against some of the precedents being set currently. I dare not argue, again keeping in mind the fact that a successful argument on my part was already overruled. I will take 0-for-1 over 0-for-life. I don’t believe an open-minded discussion is an option, either, because both parties in the discussion need the approach of an open mind. My instincts tell me that won’t happen.

I took on the paid walk as I’ve described it to further humble myself. How can I be disappointed or frustrated with those who refuse to work when I won’t get down in the muck and work myself? I can’t view anything as beneath me or not of my stature, when that is the complaint I use for others. Instead, I chose to do the job.

Maybe some might think it is humiliating. To me, it wasn’t. No one asked, so really, what point was it making? The real question is did it need to make a point to others? Can’t it be a reminder to me and me alone that there are things that need to be done, and I’m not any better than anyone else. That is what those walks meant.

But, for now, they are no more. And the plans I was trying to set into motion are changing. Again.

I will continue to find ways to help myself stay grounded. What I still must work on is biting my tongue on a variety of things that bruise and batter my ego and pride. It will be those quick instances where my frustration rises as I try to subvert my way of thinking for the sake of others.

And maybe I’m more in line with what I have written here before many, many years ago:

“The world needs ditch diggers, too.”

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