Flailing with failure

I said previously that I’m getting along well at my new job.

“Well” is not “great.”

Since taking over the head position, essentially a little more than a month, I’ve had to write correction after correction. Unfortunately, I’ve had more corrections than fingers on a hand. That’s horrible.

I’m having to slow down myself more and more, double- and triple-check, but it still isn’t clicking.

I’m having doubts now. Doubts in my abilities to write. To edit. To do much of anything and this is how I make a living. This is what I get paid to do. This is what I do to support my family.

I can’t think of doing anything else.

I like to say I strive to excel. I want to be excellent. I want to be perfect. I’ve been falling woefully short in the last few weeks. And this isn’t the first time, either. It seems, at least in the past few years, when things get tougher and tougher, I fold up like a cheap tent. I don’t rise to the occasion, but rather, shrink from it.

Or outright fail.

Failing and flailing about is frustrating. My frustration level with work and life continues to be high. Some would say I put undue pressure upon myself, but I don’t buy it. As I’ve told someone here, I have high expectations of myself. I have a passion for what I do and if I see others who don’t share in that, I become frustrated. But how can I be frustrated with others when I come up short myself?

Time to double down on my work.

Practicing for perfection

I did make the journey to Escanaba in an airplane – a six-seater – from our home here in Ludington. I’ve created some videos on YouTube and they follow this passage. It seems my employer has seen my handywork and as much as I’ve said I’m not very good at video editing or recording and I’m still finding my way, it’s something they want. I stand by what I’ve expressed, however, and that’s if I don’t feel as though the quality is something worth putting my name on, I really don’t want to see us publicize it. They’re encouraging me to continue to film, which I will, but with the equipment we have, I only feel comfortable filming interviews. And I’ll be convincing the folks at work to get a higher quality camera to at least film sports action.

Now the videos:

Twitter roll

While asking that I do more video for the paper, they’ve picked up my Twitter feed – for now. Anyone who’s seen my Twitter account can see that it’s filled not just with sports but also Foursquare check-ins, commentary on social issues, commentary on entertainment awards and general conversation between myself and others on the platform.

Like in Chippewa Falls, with ChpHeraldSports, it looks like there will be a Twitter account for the sports at the Ludington Daily News sometime in the future (I hope).

And it’ll take more investment on my part. The winter ought to be very easy considering all of the events I cover should have wireless Internet access when I’m away from the office. The spring is now the target for a smartphone, preferrably an iPhone. And the basis for my iPhone use will come from what I’ve already set up on my iPod Touch.

In the interim between now and spring, it’ll be more important than ever to test myself on photo taking and editing, writing, tweeting and everything in-between.

And hopefully I can do this flawlessly, not flailing about in failure.

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